Bob Mayo, Stonepoint Member
I’ve been sitting here today off and on, trying to write something. Not because I have to, but because I want to. But the words, aren’t coming very readily. All I can really think of is a couple of prayers I wrote this morning after hearing the sermon today at church. I found today’s message to be particular meaningful to me today. Not in a powerful, lightning bolt kind of way. But more in a quiet and humbling way. But I can say my heart was moved mightily. So, when I got home this morning, I sat down and wrote out a prayer to God. I often do this now because when I try to verbalize my prayer times, my mind just roams all over the place and my prayers become mindless jabber. I really despise it when that happens. So, below is a bit of confession that came out of today’s message at Stonepoint.
First, I was struck by pastor’s comments about facing fears and wanting to hang around here just a little longer. I think I talked this some in my last blog. Our director at GFA, Brother KP once told us “not to hold on to our lives too tightly.” For 20 years now I have been hearing reports about the sufferings and sometimes death of some of our missionaries on the field. I’ve always wondered if I was faced with what our missionaries are faced with, if I would have the faith and the courage they had. Today, I learned that God has our times, mine and yours, in his Hands. My prayer and confession this morning was to confess my fears in this order and to surrender my life, and death, anew to God There is nothing greater than being in God’s presence.
Second, I had to confess my fear of man when it comes to sharing my faith. Yes, I have done that on occasions, But mostly, I have a fear in this area. There really isn’t much I need to say about this. It is just one of my fears and I can only ask God to change this.
Third. The third area I thought about today after the message was pride. I could go on for pages on this, but hopefully, I won’t. I continually struggle with wanting to feel useful, to be known as a good teacher, and to have an impact on people’s lives. I guess in some sense there is nothing wrong with that, depending on the motivation. As I said, it would take pages to go through what God has brought me through in this area over the past year. As I look back on it, I find a lot of things that have happened to me recently are a result of God stripping away layers of pride from my life. It has been a painful and agonizing process. I confessed all of this today and asked God to keep breaking me. Yesterday, I wrote a personal mission statement for myself (something I needed to do for re:gen). Part of it stated “To love the LORD with all my heart, soul and mind and to love others more than myself. To live humbly before God.” This is taken from Matthew 22:37-39 and Philippians 2:3-4.
Finally, making leaders groan. I have never really thought of this before today. How much have I made pastors and leaders grown because of my attitude and actions. God has placed some of us in the body as leaders and some as followers. From my early years as a Christ follower, I have always told myself that I just want to be a true servant of God. But down deep, I have these secret desires to be a leader and to be noticed for my contributions. (It is a bit shameful to talk about this). I believe, by God’s grace, that He may be bringing me back to my original thoughts from my early days, to be a servant. May I just state what Pastor Brandon said about this area today, “If you have said demeaning things about any pastor or leader, you need to repent.” I needed to repent today.
So, that was my day. Not really upbeat or joyful, but I thank God for making me think, or re-think about some of these things. May God give us the grace to be His servants and truly serve others, in and out of the Body. God bless you!